I've been married for almost 13 years now and here is lessons learned to date of what husbands need and don't need. I'm sure I'll ponder and learn more things as the years roll by with him. Maybe after reading this, you can sit with your sweetheart and ask him what he needs from you. I think you will find our list are about the same.
Here's a couple of things my husband (probably all husbands) doesn't need.
He doesn't need me to mother him, or tell him what he should do or needs to do. He doesn't need me to try to change him into what I want him to be. He doesn't need me to question his every decision. He doesn't need me to give him the silent treatment when I don't get my way. He doesn't need me to question his love for me just because he doesn't show love in my language all the time. He doesn't need me to nag him, or make him feel less than when he doesn't meet MY expectations. Unmet expectations are a marriage killer. When he makes a mistake in finances, in business, in life choices, he doesn't need me to make him feel worse or less than. He doesn't need me to chastise him, lecture him, or tell him what he should have done. He doesn't need me to make fun of him, or make jokes about him in public or private. He doesn't need me to give my attention to another man when I feel he isn't being so attentive to me.
Here is what my husband needs from me.
He needs me to respect him. He needs me to focus on what we do well together, and not focus on our differences. He needs me to be his biggest fan, cheerleader, encourager and supporter. He needs me to know he loves me more than life itself, and just because he doesn't show it the way I would like for him too, doesn't mean it's not there. He needs me to know when he makes those mistakes, it hurts him as well, and he dreads telling me about it because he knows it's going to affect me, our home, our life. He needs me to just support him and love him during that time. He wants me to be his wife. The one who makes our house the home. It's not about having dinner ready every night, having the house in complete order, (although it will be) lol...or welcoming him at the door every night he gets home. It's about sharing life with him, investing in him and loving him because he is the one God gave me because God knew I needed him in my life. It's about praying for him, asking God to help him, lead him and guide him, knowing that as he follows God, he will lead me well. He needs me to just trust him and let me say this again...RESPECT him as the man he is.
Marriage is hard. Marriage isn't always pretty and god knows it's not simple. Most people plan more for the wedding day than the lifetime that follows. They put more focus on the dress, the food, the venue, the flowers, and everything that goes with the wedding day, and they don't invest in the person who will walk this life with them. We walk into marriage these days with the thinking that if it doesn't work out, we can just leave. It shouldn' t be that way. Marry your best friend. Marry the person who you can trust with not only your life, but with your heart and with your children that will come. Marry the person who will lead your home well because that is his priority. Yes, marriage is hard, and mine has seen it's challenges, it's troubles, and boy has there been struggles, but let me say this. I would not change anything because it brought us closer. It caused us to look deeper at ourselves and what we individually needed to change more than what the other person needed to change. It drew us closer to the Lord, because he has to be the center of it all. It made us see that we are not perfect, but perfectly made for each other. Alan is my soul mate, my friend, my lover, my one true love and I would be lost without him in my life. He is the one my soul longs for.
Marriage is good, and I thank God everyday for the gift of marriage and the gift of Alan.
Blessings and Peace,
Lisa
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