Love and Marriage

I've been married for almost 13 years now and here is lessons learned to date of what husbands need and don't need. I'm sure I'll ponder and learn more things as the years roll by with him. Maybe after reading this, you can sit with your sweetheart and ask him what he needs from you.  I think you will find our list are about the same.

Here's a couple of things my husband (probably all husbands) doesn't need.

He doesn't need me to mother him, or tell him what he should do or needs to do.  He doesn't need me to try to change him into what I want him to be.  He doesn't need me to question his every decision.  He doesn't need me to give him the silent treatment when I don't get my way.  He doesn't need me to question his love for me just because he doesn't show love in my language all the time.  He doesn't need me to nag him, or make him feel less than when he doesn't meet MY expectations.  Unmet expectations are a marriage killer. When he makes a mistake in finances, in business, in life choices, he doesn't need me to make him feel worse or less than.  He doesn't need me to chastise him, lecture him, or tell him what he should have done. He doesn't need me to make fun of him, or make jokes about him in public or private.  He doesn't need me to give my attention to another man when I feel he isn't being so attentive to me. 

Here is what my husband needs from me.

He needs me to respect him.  He needs me to focus on what we do well together, and not focus on our differences.  He needs me to be his biggest fan, cheerleader, encourager and supporter.  He needs me to know he loves me more than life itself, and just because he doesn't show it the way I would like for him too, doesn't mean it's not there.  He needs me to know when he makes those mistakes, it hurts him as well, and he dreads telling me about it because he knows it's going to affect me, our home, our life.  He needs me to just support him and love him during that time.  He wants me to be his wife.  The one who makes our house the home.  It's not about having dinner ready every night, having the house in complete order, (although it will be) lol...or welcoming him at the door every night he gets home.  It's about sharing life with him, investing in him and loving him because he is the one God gave me because God knew I needed him in my life.  It's about praying for him, asking God to help him, lead him and guide him, knowing that as he follows God, he will lead me well.  He needs me to just trust him and let me say this again...RESPECT him as the man he is.

Marriage is hard.  Marriage isn't always pretty and god knows it's not simple.  Most people plan more for the wedding day than the lifetime that follows.  They put more focus on the dress, the food, the venue, the flowers, and everything that goes with the wedding day, and they don't invest in the person who will walk this life with them.  We walk into marriage these days with the thinking that if it doesn't work out, we can just leave.  It shouldn' t be that way. Marry your best friend. Marry the person who you can trust with not only your life, but with your heart and with your children that will come.  Marry the person who will lead your home well because that is his priority.  Yes, marriage is hard, and mine has seen it's challenges, it's troubles, and boy has there been struggles, but let me say this.  I would not change anything because it brought us closer.  It caused us to look deeper at ourselves and what we individually needed to change more than what the other person needed to change.  It drew us closer to the Lord, because he has to be the center of it all.   It made us see that we are not perfect, but perfectly made for each other.  Alan is my soul mate, my friend, my lover, my one true love and I would be lost without him in my life.  He is the one my soul longs for. 

Marriage is good, and I thank God everyday for the gift of marriage and the gift of Alan.

Blessings and Peace,
Lisa

Monday, Monday

The reason we don't go for the best, is because somehow, somewhere, we have believed a lie that someone spoke that said, we are not good enough.  Therefore, we settle for less than.  It's sad to watch someone I know that has so much potential in life sit back in fear of relationships, jobs, and goals for themselves because they believe lies like:

This is the way I'll always be.
I will just fail again.
I'm just not good enough.
I can't.
I'll never change.
This is as good as it gets.
I'm damaged.

Always and never are words that make things sound so final.  Always and never are such a long time. 

Jesus didn't come for us to have a life of less than, or just short of.  He came that we have life and have it to the fullest.  So why do we continue to settle for less?  Because we believe that we are not worth it.  That all that sounds good for most folks, but certainly He didn't do that for us.  Well my friend, He did come to give you that life.  It's time to quit looking back at things in your past that you can't change.  It's time to let go of hurts, dissappointments, expectations of people, and things that have jaded your view.  It's time to realize that God has a bigger plan for you, but only you can open the door to see what it is.

Why not get somewhere by yourself and just open up to the One who created you, loves you and wants to show you endless possibilities.  Why not start today?  I can't go back and change my past.  There are times I wish I could.  I would certainly change people, chains of events that happened, and many mistakes made along the way, but those mistakes, and those events are what has shaped me into the woman I am today.  Those things that were meant to harm me, made me stronger.  God can do amazing things through our hurt, our mistakes, and our struggles.  He has shown me that I can do much more than I thought, and that I have a Savior who can heal any hurt in my heart.

I pray today, that as a new year is upon us, that it can be a year of starting over.  A year of losing.  Losing emotional baggage, losing all that binds and weights you down.  Losing yourself and finding Him.  Losing bitterness, rage, anger, and jealousy.  Losing insecurity, and losing the weight of burdens that you have carried far too long.

It is never to late to make a fresh start.